Ah, April Fools’ Day: Google is now Topeka, the excellent webcomic xkcd goes terminal, and my college announced that next year the campus will be dry (this was especially well-played because alcohol policy was in the process of being changed only yesterday). Among all these April 1st shenanigans, the 2010 New York International Auto Show pressed on, with its usual stock of interesting reveals (which I shall definitely be covering in the coming week). Toyota, however, decided that it would be the perfect day to launch two new video ad campaigns in order to increase attention for new models in its subsidiary brands. Oh, they got my attention alright…

BMW Lexus Films

Does anyone remember when BMW released that phenomenal set of eight short films in a series called The Hire from 2001 to 2002? If not, a brief synopsis is in order: Clive Owen played a wheelman known as “The Driver,” who takes on various risky driving-related missions. As well as being highly entertaining, these videos showcased BMW’s strong lineup at the time, including its M-model lineup. The series was an enormous viral success and helped boost BMW sales numbers that year. Today, nearly nine years later, Lexus announced a series of their own videos centered around the upcoming CT200h hatchback. And thus the first red flag was raised.

The CT200h?, I thought, That’s a luxo-economy car, isn’t it? It is. Powered by a 1.8L inline-4, the CT200h is expected to produce less than 200 horsepower. It’s also front wheel drive and has an eCVT transmission. What’s that you say? This powertrain configuration cannot possibly be fun? I agree, that’s what it sounds like to me, too. However, Lexus doesn’t think so. Watch this teaser to see what I mean:

Lexus’ new series, which apparently is set to launch on May 13th, 2010, is called Dark Ride. The name stinks of low-grade sci-fi, does it not? Anyway, this is what I’ve gathered from watching this: Lexus has made a BMW Films clone using a car that will be plagued by tremendous understeer and a 0-60 time that will be lucky if it sees the low 9-second range. As my friend accurately pointed out while watching this video, you never actually see the thing accelerate from a dig. I’m guessing that’s because no filmmaker could shoulder the impossible task of making Prius-like acceleration footage look action-packed. I don’t blame them.

Reinvent The Whiff

Swing and a massive miss, Toyota. In order to attempt to raise the hype of its new models, Scion’s advertising department has begun airing a series of episodes called Reinvent The Wheels on YouTube. A bastardly hybrid of MTV’s Pimp My Ride and the generic “contestant presents to a panel of judges” reality show model, Reinvent The Wheels pits a group of “design professionals” (the likes of which are pastry chefs, DJs, and special effect artists for independent films) against each other in a competition to see who can each best customize one car from Scion’s new, desperate line of vehicles. Of course, as you probably expected, the designs concepts shown in the first episode (all I needed to watch to get the point) are hilariously atrocious. Video literally speaks louder than text, though, so watch this:

It cannot possibly be anything but a lose-lose situation: either it’s acting so bad that it’s actually NOT funny, or these are real people. For the entire world’s sake, I’d really hope for the former.

The Real Joke

APRIL FOOLS! …I wish. But it’s no joke. There are no intentional lulz to be had here: Toyota’s marketing department is really, actually determined to use these campaigns to help their sales. In the case of the Lexus series, Dark Ride, it seems the goal is to capture a younger, more “sporty” demographic using some weird footage of a gilded economy car. With the Reinvent The Wheels campaign, Scion is trying to flout its apparent customizability to even more tasteless youths than before.

You know what the real joke is here? It’s probably going to work.

Alright, so I’ve looked at the SUVs shown at the 2009 New York International Auto Show, and now it’s time for… everything else. Represented here are examples of speed, sluggishness, beauty, and monstrosity. Lots on the menu here (almost too much?), so shall we begin?

So, What Do We Have Here?

I’m going straight into it with the little footnotes about each… there are quite a few as you will see…

	Hyundai Equus I don’t think there’s anything I’d like to see more than Hyundai unseating Lexus at the head of the flagship sedan table. The Equus is truly a fine piece of work. I hope it comes Stateside!
Bentley Continental Supersports You can run the Bentley W12 off of E85 Ethanol (read: corn) and hit 204 miles per hour? No more rear seating and more carbon fiber instead in the name of saving weight? Yes please.
	Porsche 911 GT3 Doesn’t look to interesting. Looks just like the old one to me. Good thing they bumped up the horses to 435 and the top speed to 194, then. It’s a real sleeper, this one.
Merecedes-Benz E63 AMG A new face, new horsepower figures, and a new top speed of 186 seem to be telling RS6 and M5 drivers to look cautiously into their rear-view mirrors… but by the time they do, this will already be ahead. Nice work, Mercedes.
	Nissan NISMO 370Z I love the 370Z’s design for being closer to the old 280Z than any other more modern Z yet, and this NISMO version keeps that beauty while adding necessary aerodynamic upgrades. Indeed one of my favorites at NYAIS.
Nissan 370Z Roadster Let’s just say I was liking the pictures of the NISMO far, far, far more. The convertible conversion destroys the 370′s beautiful curves and adds weight. Oh, and that color. Bleh.
	Volkswagen Golf GTI Mk VI While it should be called the Mk V.5 because it rides the same chassis and utilizes many of the same underpinnings as the previous GTI, the redesigned interior is cool and I’m curious to see whatever R-Line variant they’re cooking up.
Subaru Legacy One of the world’s most underrated sleepers gets slightly more aggressive. Still keeping with the Subaru tradition of AWD and the famous Boxer-4, this is sure to be a winner.
	Subaru Outback Well, at least we know the Subaru designers were working double-time on the new Legacy.
Mazdaspeed3 I’m beating a dead horse, but it’s still too happy, and the American version seems to get braces of some sort in that big ol’ mouth.
	Scion iQ As usual, Scion takes something (usually neutral or poor in my tastes because it comes from Toyota), and makes it astronomically worse. The paint color is named “radioactive,” which is funny, because when I saw this I realized I’d rather absorb a large quantity of radiation than be caught in the driver’s seat.
Kia Forte Koup Eh, a Kia, it’s going to be bor- wait… what’s this? An attractive design paired with a fun powertrain and a bang-to-buck ratio that outdoes its competition? Wow. Never saw that one coming. Very cool.

And there it is. As usual, some good, some bad, some… interesting.

With the American car industry up in flames (well, save Ford), the New York Auto Show has been really interesting this year. Foreign competitors are showing off some serious new concept and production cars, while the domestic manufacturers are putting in a last ditch effort to defend the homeland. Geneva had some weird stuff, but New York is all business. Make the jump to see what I mean.

Heavy Artillery

You’d think with the current economic situation, SUVs would be in the process of downfall, right? Nope. Day one of the New York Auto Show saw the debut of a bunch of new and interesting sport-utility vehicles from all around the globe. Let’s start with good old America.

Jeep. They’re really common around here, and they don’t stick out at all. Boring. But now, Jeep has done a much-needed full exterior and interior redesign on the Grand Cherokee. This version, due out for the 2011 model year, is built on the same chassis as the Mercedes-Benz ML SUV and features the “Quadra Lift” air suspension system which allows the vehicle to vary height from around 4 inches while parked to over 11 for off-roading fun. Another system, “Selec-Terrain” lets the driver choose traction settings based on the driving surface from five settings. Engine choices are a 3.6L V6 with 280HP or the 5.7L HEMI V8 with 360HP.

What about the styling? Wow. A more sporty profile with great edges and a mean front fascia are an epic improvement over the previous generations. And then there’s the interior. That’s a JEEP? I was skeptical of this thing from looking at those releases they made to the government during stimulus talks, but now I’m convinced that this thing has the potential for great success. It’s clearly the best thing Chrysler’s come up with since… I don’t know… the 300C? Regardless, this is cool, and I hope it isn’t too late.

However, the Europeans are here as well, and they’re well-armed. Here’s what I mean:

	BMW X6 M-Sport I’ve always been an admirer of the X6, and now it’s got the power to match. 555 HP is no joke, and nor is a sub-five second zero-to-sixty in this 5,300-pound “Sports Activity Vehicle.”
Mercedes-Benz ML450 Hybrid Retaining the horsepower of a V8 while upping fuel economy considerably is no easy task, but Mercedes has managed. A combined output of 335 horsepower paired with 24 mpg isn’t too shabby, though I’d still never buy this. Ever.
	Range Rover Sport The X6 M isn’t the only hotshot, insane SUV on the show floor. The new Range Rover Sport is packing 510 horses in the supercharged variant of the V8, and it doesn’t hurt that the thing’s a looker as well.

Close Enough

Acura. They’ve done some really great things with powertrains for this model year, and some even iffier things with styling. I know this post is supposed to be about SUVs, but I really can’t place this new concept by Acura… It seems to be a competitor for the X6, though. Crossover? I guess so. This new car, called the ZDX, is powered by a V6 (the specifications of which are currently unknown) and an apparently all-new six-speed automatic (likewise on the specs). It uses the same SH-AWD system that the new TL does, which is good news, and I’ll be excited to see how they adapt it to the weight of a heavier vehicle. In terms of styling, it’s pretty cool, but I want to see the final production version to make a real judgement.

These are the SUVs that have debuted thus far in New York, and expect a lot more to come relating to the NYIAS in the next few days.

I love auto shows. Unfortunately, living in the Northeast means I only get out to one a year: the New England International Auto Show in Boston, which occurs each December. When I’m there, I get to praise some things, ridicule others, and just stand completely baffled by yet more. This is what I enjoy most about going to auto shows: the wide and crazy spectrum of desirability that presents itself on the show floor. Luckily, and although it’s not as great as being next to the machines in person, this same spectrum is easily identifiable when reading about and viewing photos from other shows online.

That’s why I’m going to take this opportunity to share my opinions of a couple of the key showings from the 2009 International Geneva Motor Show… because there’s a lot to share. Europe’s biggest show, which is currently open, has some of the best variation, between the awesomely beautiful and the horrifyingly ugly. Here we go.

Aston Martin

After the initial jaw-dropping, drool-inducing splendor of the DB9 wore off for me, no other Aston Martin has stood out in the same way as the DB9 did when I saw it for the first time. I realized that this is because literally everything Aston Martin has produced or even conceptualized in the past 10 or so years has looked shockingly similar… until now. Stepping outside their safe zone of designing swooping, handsome coupes (and a similar looking sedan, which is still in the works) has proved itself to be a Sisyphean task for the designers at Aston Martin.

Stare in horror at this repulsive failure of design. It’s called the Lagonda Concept, and it’s a step further in the direction of ugly than the previous user of the same namesake, the boxy Lagonda Sedan. It seats four and has got a V12 engine, four-wheel-drive, and loads of LED lighting, but none of that matters, because it’s easily one of the ugliest SUVs since the Pontiac Aztek. Chubby DB9 at the front and bloated Bentley at the back? No thanks. That’s just revolting.

Infiniti

I used to love Infiniti. I really liked the G (both the sedan and coupe), and at one time, thought I really wanted a G35x sedan. However, I began to notice that guidos, posers, and more advanced ricers seem to be the primary owners, and that there’s an ugly analog clock on the dashboard of each. Then Infiniti brought their Geneva showing to the table.

This is the Infiniti Essence. Few cars immediately seize me as beautiful, but this is just amazing. The styling reminds me of the Maserati GranTurismo, but for some reason this is far more appealing to me. The lines have an attractive flow that I don’t think I’ve seen anywhere else. The only stylistic complaint I have about the car are the sizes of the front and rear badges. Yes, Infiniti, we know you made it. Tone it down just a notch, please. With its 3.7L twin-turbo V6 and attached electric, this 592-bhp hybrid-drive touring car would make a supreme luxury counterpart to the Nissan GT-R. Let’s see it produced, Infiniti!

Quick Opinions

Seeing as everything else I’m going to talk about in this article only requires one or two sentences of commentary, I’ve assembled a little table.

	Toyota Verso Wait, Toyota, you’re supposed to be making ugly and boring cars that appear aerodynamically challenged! This Verso, the new Prius, and the Venza all seem to be steps in the right direction, at least stylistically. Kudos.
Masonry Linea Vincero Veyron Take the world’s pinnacle of automotive engineering. Reveal carbon fiber. Add a more pronounced aero kit and raise the horsepower from 1001 to 1109. Paint it black. Instant bad-ass.
	BMW Alpina B6 GT3 I never really liked the 6-Series that much. However, in racing trim, this car is nothing short of stunning. I can’t wait to see it during the 24 Hours of Le Mans.
Renault Megane RS I hate to admit it, but this is one of the only hatchbacks that I consider better looking than the R32 Mk V, just… not in this color. Also, it’s a good application of FWD, but FWD it is nonetheless. Nissan should bring this to the states.
	Ferrari 599xx I don’t care how fast it is, or how much downforce those little winglets on the C-pillars add. That thing is hideous. They might as well have called it the “Ferrari SuperDrift 599999xx Edition.” Track star or not, this seems too much like Ferrari rice.
Lamborghini Murcielago LP670-4 SV Same idea as the Ferrari above: a road card tuned for the track, though infinitely less ugly. It doesn’t really do for me what the Gallardo LP560-4 does, but I think it’s very worthy of the rebirth of the SuperVeloce badge.
	Koenigsegg NLV Quant Very weird, and seemingly even more pointless. A solar car that can’t use the sun’s energy to help it go, has gullwing doors, seats four, and doesn’t even look like a car? Stick to working on variations of the CC, Koenigsegg… Do what you’re good at.
Audi TT-RS Attractive TT form factor, insane power to weight ratio from a turbocharged, direct-injected inline five, R8-like handling, and Alacantra bucket seats? I’m sold.
	MazdaSpeed3 Stop smiling. Seriously, that grin is making you look stupid. No, I don’t care that you have 250 horsepower now. It’s still going to the front wheels, and you look ridiculous. What are you so jolly about?

And there, ladies and gentlemen, is what I see at Geneva, in a nutshell. I’m not sure how much more is coming out of there in the next eight days, but if there’s anything even remotely interesting, I’ll have something to write about it. Credits and thanks go out to Autoblog for being my source of seeing what’s going on in Geneva and also for automotive news in general.